Aftermath
by catlover5040
Summary: My first story, basically what happened on the clocktower(and afterwards) in "Mr. Yin Presents". I know this subject has been done to the bone, but I love that scene too much to not write a fanfiction. Please read and review!


**Disclaimer: I don't own Psych.**

**A/N: Tag to 4x16 "Mr. Yin Presents". Major spoilers for that episode.**

* * *

I closed my eyes, not wanting to know exactly how far I was off the ground. I was going to die, and I knew it. Shawn would save Abigail, and Lassiter would be forced to help because of protocol. Abigail was a civilian, and I was merely an officer who got in the line of fire. Even though that wasn't the case, and Yin had purposely captured me, that wasn't how the D.A., or anyone, for that matter, would see it. No-one was coming. I would never see Lassiter, or Shawn, or anyone else ever again. I was going to die.

I tried to keep my breathing under control, but it was hard. Hot tears sprang in the corners of my eyes, and my heart began to pound. I knew exactly when I would die, and it was coming soon. I had been grateful to be able to call the station to give my clue, at least I had been able to hear Shawn's voice for one last time.

And then I heard a heart-stopping noise. It was the sound of footsteps. And a door opening. I wasn't going to die.

"O'Hara!" It was Carlton's voice. My breath caught. He was here. He was going to try to save me. But he only had a few minutes. "Don't worry, we'll get you out of this."

I heard more frenzied footsteps as they tried to figure out what to do. They didn't have much longer, it was only a matter of seconds before the blade-

There was a loud noise, the noise of someone holding back the blade. It was Gus!

"I can't hold it much longer!" he yelled. There was a momentary pause and a loud bang. I held my breath.  
"Did it work?" I heard Carlton yell.

"Yes," Gus shouted. In an instant I felt a hand on each of my shoulders, and the gag was pulled from my mouth.

"We got you." Carlton's voice, firm and reassuring, sounded in my ear. "You're safe."

It was barely light now, and I was standing by myself, shaking. I was safe. I wasn't physically harmed in any way, and I was going to be fine.

But I wasn't fine. I had almost died, and I couldn't stand that. I couldn't stand what might have happened if Carlton and Gus hadn't arrived in time. I was scarred for life, but I wasn't going to break down here. I was going to convince everyone that I was fine, and I was going to go home by myself and collapse in bed and curl up in a ball under the covers and cry for hours, and my cats would crawl onto my bed and paw at my toes and lick the tears off my face while subtly hinting for more food. I wasn't going to let anyone know of the real mental turmoil inside me, the whirlwind of emotions that was ripping me apart. I couldn't, not now, not when there wasn't anyone in the world who would understand how I felt.

The only obstacle was the annoying EMT with his empty, hollow, patronizing words. He was trying to convince me to come to the hospital, and I was trying to convince him that I didn't need to. That was the last thing I wanted right now- to be in a room full of doctors fussing over me. I didn't want _anyone _fussing over me. I wanted to lie under the covers, sobbing and pretending I didn't exist, because people who didn't exist couldn't feel this sort of pain.

"Detective?" he said tentatively, knocking me back into my horrid but oh so very real situation.

"I'm fine," I muttered, giving him my best death-glare. "Leave me alone."

"But, Detective, we think you may be in shock and we need to-" He reached out to guide me to the ambulance.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I shrieked. He looked startled but still persisted.

"Leave her be," a soft voice said. It was Carlton. At the sight of him, my heart did a strange sort of somersault and sent chills up my spine.

"Sir, we need to take Detective O'Hara to the-" the EMT tried to say, but Carlton's eyes burned with a fury I had never seen before as he _lifted _the man out of the way, his hands clenched on the navy blue fabric of the collar.

"Carlton," I blurted instantly, forcing myself to smile. "How, um, are you?"

He ignored my painfully cheerful words. He looked me in the eye, one pair of blue eyes holding the other. "Don't give me that crap, O'Hara. What can I do for you?" His words sounded almost mechanical, which was at least better than his usual scorn and derision.

I shrugged. "Nothing. A ride home, maybe. I'm totally fine."

He put one hand on my elbow and the other on my shoulder. "If there's anything at all I can do for you, let me know. If there's anything wrong, if you need to talk to someone, let me know."

"I'm fine, I told you, I'm perfectly fine," I told him just like I had told the EMT and pretty much everyone else. "I just need to go home and-"

"O'Hara, you have every reason to be feeling traumatized right now," he told me quietly. "There's no reason to be ashamed."

"I'm not," I told him, trying to push away, but he tightened his firm but gentle grip on my shoulder.

"Remember, if you need to talk-"  
"I _don't," _I repeated. "I'm perfectly fine, I just need to be alone, I'm perfectly-"

"It's fine not to be okay," he interrupted, and that's what did it. I tried not to, but the tears came rolling one after the other as I tried incoherently to tell him everything I was feeling- Scared, because I had nearly been killed; betrayed, because Shawn hadn't come for me; touched, because Carlton had; mortified, because I was having an emotional breakdown in front of everyone else; confused, because all the other thoughts and emotions I had been experiencing conflicted with one another -but I just kept crying. The sobs shook my body and I felt him draw me towards him as I cried even harder. I felt ashamed to be crying in front of everybody, but it didn't seem to matter. He just held me and listened to the words that weren't there. He stroked my hair and kept a gentle hand on my back, as if to reassure me that he would always be there.

"I- I-" I stammered, trying and ultimately failing to put words together to form comprehensible sentences. The words came out as choked sobs, and I buried my face in his shirt.

"O'Hara, you're going to be okay," he whispered to me, holding me tight. "You're going to be fine. _Juliet, _you're going to be fine."  
It was the sound of my first name, more than anything, that calmed me down. I tried to steady my breathing as he held me, so very close to him, and eventually I found myself able to speak.

"I- I was so scared," I whispered to him. "I thought no-one was coming."

"Well, I'll always be there for you," he whispered back to me. "I'll always come for you. You can count on me."

And in that moment I knew that everything would be okay.

We were still on the clock tower. It was nearly 7:30 now, and there was all this hustle-and-bustle of reporters, desperate to get an interview from somebody; the FBI, forensics, and more than half the SBPD. Carlton, who hadn't let go of me since I started crying all over him, had guided me through it all, pushing away the reporters and keeping me away from the other officers and detectives. He actually broke the nose of one reporter who kept following me around like a shadow and sticking a microphone under my face.

"Can I go home now?" I asked him, sounding slightly like a whiny ten-year-old, but it didn't matter. I was ridiculously tired and dehydrated from crying so hard and for so long.

"We have to go back to the station," he told me. "The Chief wants a statement from everybody. She also wants to see you."

_Of course. _She was going to ask me if I was okay, and she was going to try to get me to talk about my experience, and then she would refer me to the department psychologist. "I just want to go home," I told him, looking up at him and into his eyes, hoping he would understand.

"I know," he murmured, pulling me towards him again, but I jerked away. He looked at me, surprised and slightly hurt.

"I- I can't," I tried to say, but it was too late. The tears came to my eyes all over again, which was exactly what I had wanted to avoid. I didn't want to cry over him again, but I could tell he understood.

"It's okay," he told me. "You don't have to apologize for crying. I know how you feel."

Coming from anyone else, I wouldn't have believed it. I would have yelled, "_No, you don't! You have no idea how I feel!" _But I knew that Carlton wouldn't have said it if it wasn't absolutely true. Somehow, he had to know how I felt.

I pulled away again, but still clinging onto him. "Before we leave..."

"What is it?" he asked.

I took a deep breath. "I want to see the clock."

Ever since he had rescued me, Carlton had refused to let me see the clock. I guess he was, in a way, trying to protect me- He hadn't wanted me to see how close I had been to falling to my death. But I wanted to know- Somehow, it might make everything less frightening if I knew every part of it.

He didn't protest, he simply turned me around so I could see it. I felt a jolt in my stomach when I saw how the blade was touching the very edge of the rope.

"Alright, you saw it," he said hurriedly, steering me away. "I'll take you back to the station and then we can-"

"No," I protested, pulling away. I stared at it. Less than a second and I would have-

"O'Hara!" He gently turned my head in the other direction. "What just happened to you was terrifying for all of us, but harping on what might have happened is only going to make matters worse. Let me take you back to the station so you can talk things over with the Chief, and then I'll take you home so you can get some rest."

I didn't want to, but I obligingly let him guide me through the crowd with one hand on my shoulder and the other on my waist, helping me navigate to the door. He led me down all the flights of stairs, out into the parking lot, and to his car. He opened my door for me and waited for me to buckle my seatbelt before getting into the car himself, as if he was afraid that someone would attack me. We drove in silence, and when we arrived at the station he opened my door again.

"If someone bothers you," he told me, "let me know so I can kill 'em."

He put his arm around me again and led me up the stairs. I barely moved at all, just letting him guide me. If he wanted to do everything for me, I would let him. I didn't want to do much for myself right now, anyhow.

"Detectives." The Chief saw us enter. "O'Hara, I'd like to talk to you." She smiled at me. I didn't smile back.

"She needs rest," Carlton told her. "If you can make your conversation brief-"

"Of course," the Chief interrupted. "In my office, O'Hara."

I walked towards her office, my legs shaking. She opened the door for me and I sat down on a chair.

"I want you to know that I will do everything in my power to find Yin," she told me. "This was a horrific event, and if you need to talk to anyone-"

"I'm _not _seeing the department psychologist!" I yelled, standing up. "No-one in the world knows how I feel and talking about my feelings isn't going to help!"

The Chief pursed her lips, as if she wasn't sure how to deal with me. "I was going to say you could talk to _me," _she said evenly.

I had no idea what to say to this and I could feel my face burning. She saved me from the humiliation of responding by changing the subject.

"Well, if you want time off-" she started to say, but I interrupted.

"No!" I shouted, tears bubbling up in my eyes. "I need to be back _here! _I don't want to spend two or three whole weeks alone by myself!I can't- I can't-" I burst into tears.

The look on Chief Vick's face was one of sympathy, but I didn't want it. I didn't want her sympathy. I didn't want anyone. I didn't want to be alone for three whole weeks, but a few hours would be perfect.

"I'm going home!" I shouted, and stormed out, leaving the Chief sitting behind her desk, puzzled. Carlton was waiting outside, and when he saw me he rushed over.

"It's okay," he assured me before I could even speak. "Whatever it is-"

"Where's Shawn?" I asked suddenly.

He looked at me. "What?"

"I want to see Shawn!" I cried. "I want to ask him..."

Carlton seemed to sum it up in a matter of seconds. He put a hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eye. "He wanted to save you. He was the only one who knew where Lytar was, and so he went to find her. He was torn, O'Hara, but he wanted to go for you."

"I don't believe it," I mumbled, shaking my head. "I _can't _believe it."

He sighed and steered me out of the police department just as gently as he had on the clocktower. For the millionth time that morning, I felt tears forming in my eyes and came to a halt halfway to the car.

He waited a few seconds to see if I would start walking again, but when I didn't he turned me around so he could look at me. "Hey, it's gonna be fine," he said quietly, brushing the tears out of my eyes. He tried to pull me toward him, but I yanked away.

"C-Carlton, it's _n-not _gonna be fine," I blubbered, my voice cracking and my words rendered incoherent by the tears that were sliding down my face for the millionth time. "It's v-very sweet of you to say so, and I'm s-so thankful you've been here for me through all this, b-but..." I started breathing quickly. He put a hand on my waist to calm me down and I closed my eyes tight. "Carlton, I d-don't know what to _do. _I feel so h-helpless, and I _hate _feeling helpless!" My whole body started to shake and my legs felt like they would give way beneath me. "S-so many things happened, things I c-can't control. Th-things none of us can control. You couldn't have st-stopped Yin, even if you tried."

Something changed in his eyes- understanding, maybe; remorse, regret.

"J-just less than t-two days ago, I knew who I w-was," I continued, wiping blindly at the tears on my face. "I was sure of myself. Then Y-yin came along and r-ruined it all! I don't know _who _the heck I am anymore, C-Carlton! It could take me years to bounce back to where I was before, and I could g-go crazy!"

"O'Hara, I can tell you who you are." He held me out at arm's length. "You are Juliet O'Hara, Junior Detective for the SBPD who scored highest on the DETs. You're a good shot, you can fire a crossbow and you speak Spanish. More importantly, you're _you. _You're kind and compassionate and smart and quirky and beautiful all at once. By breaking down, you'll give Yin the upper hand. You _can't _let Yin win this, O'Hara. Be the girl I know you are. Be strong."

"Carlton, I _can't," _I whispered. "How can you possibly ask me to be strong right now?"

"Because I know you can do it," he replied. "You're the strongest person I know, Juliet O'Hara. And even if you can't do it on your own, I'll help you."

I stared at him as the impact of his words slowly hit me. Then I lost it.

I threw myself onto him, sobbing and grasping at his shirt all over again. I was so overcome with emotion that I couldn't think. I vaguely heard him talking as he lifted me into his arms and I put my arms around his neck, sobbing miserably into his shoulder.

"It's okay, Juliet," he whispered so quietly that it must've been my imagination. "You've got lots of people who love you. People like me."

I closed my eyes and pressed my head onto his shoulder harder. Things would be okay, eventually. I just wasn't ready to believe that yet. For now, I would let Carlton guide me and protect me. He wanted to and I wanted him to.

His words were clear. I hadn't died on the clocktower, and I wasn't going to.

I was going to be okay, because everyone who loved me could help me win this

battle. Maybe I wouldn't be okay _now, _but someday.

I was _here, _with _him._

I was safe in the arms of my partner.


End file.
